Her butt was sore and pressed flat against the hard wooden bench from sitting for long hours. A hollow sound had filled her head and droned into a drone that carried neither meaning nor meaninglessness, it made neither it’s presence nor it’s absence felt- just a bland sound beyond the realm of recognition, more numb than nothing, dumber than anything. She wafted in and out of thoughts. She noticed her telephone-wire like hair finishing in coiled tips over her breasts. Pulling her strands and holding them straight for a while she wondered what the real length of her hair is. It’s always longer or shorter depending on whether she pulls it straight or leaves it curled. The length always depended on something...but by itself...she didn’t know. Anyway why should she care? That boy she met last Saturday had seen her and smiled..it meant she is all good at least not bad..didn’t it? Or did it?......
The sonorous electric bell screamed cutting time and space into two, disturbing her thoughtful reverie, resounding, running round and round against the dome of her yellow cranium. As the sound faded she thought her head is a temple bell. She did not think about how dazed she felt. She took her things and walked out of the place into some other place. On the road-in the outside. She was walking, pushing spaces and structures behind, she climbed a rather fragile and rickety flight of spiral stairs in one of them. It was like climbing inside a round belly or a huge black-brown ball, there were no obvious landings. This belly was jostling with secret lives, she saw people with very dreamy eyes, very crazy eyes, very angry eyes, very sad eyes, very tearful eyes, very happy eyes......whoever she saw, the person was very something as if they had become their thoughts they would never want to articulate outside this belly. But there were some men who only cleared and arranged things. She arrived at the opening and stopped. Finally she saw the boy, he smiled and she was pleased with herself. She left the place.
Next Saturday, she magnetically resumed what had become her weekly routine, went to the same place, saw similar faces, activities, postures, things and clatter. But it wasn’t the same, she had sensed the change. Only she didn’t comprehend if it was good or bad..she did not even want to think about it’s goodness or badness. She weaved through the place. She stopped at the opening, she did not see him. She stepped into the opening, he was there- naked, legs wound around another woman, together looking like a scary creature with four limbs and two heads. She stood there, trying to understand. Now it all came back, she remembered- feeling of his legs entwined around her and a confused pair of eyes that had watched them. May be that was herself or maybe the woman knotted around him now is herself. It didn’t matter, she wanted to scream, save her from that thing, that disgusting thing that no more had that face- the face that had smiled at her... then she understood something, something she desperately didn’t want to know and she lowered her head and walked away.
